Today is Ray's birthday. I think birthdays, anniversaries and holidays are a great time to reflect.
Monday morning I go
t a call from my mom while I was getting ready to go to work. She said my dad's health is declining more and more now. The story she told me was so sad. A few weeks ago she told my dad that she loved the way he tied his ties. She said they always looked so nice and that some men don't know how to do it right. On Sunday my dad came to her and said "I can't remember how to tie this tie". It broke my mother's heart as something that had come so naturally for so many years was impossible if only for that moment for him to do. I feel so helpless living so far away, with young children and financial pressures that don't allow me to just drop everything and be with them. These are the issues I mourned over 8 years ago when my parent's moved away from me. I knew the day would be coming when we would need each other more and we would not be together. I didn't understand the decision at the time but had to come to an acceptance of it. My dad just wanted to "go home" and my mom just wanted to please him. Which leads me to the question "Where is home?" Being an only child has it's many blessings but the difficult part about it is that you have no one to share your common expierences in growing up and no one to share the joys and sorrows of aging parents. It makes me very sad to think of my parents being alone at this stage of life with very little or no support. I know I must appear uncaring or cold at times but I can't dwell on the overwhelming emotions I feel and still be able to function well. If you know me well you know that I am a pleaser (I think that's another product of being an only child) and I feel I'm not doing that very well. I'm thankful to have a Savior to carry my burdens with me. I don't know what non believers do without Him. He is my Rock.
t a call from my mom while I was getting ready to go to work. She said my dad's health is declining more and more now. The story she told me was so sad. A few weeks ago she told my dad that she loved the way he tied his ties. She said they always looked so nice and that some men don't know how to do it right. On Sunday my dad came to her and said "I can't remember how to tie this tie". It broke my mother's heart as something that had come so naturally for so many years was impossible if only for that moment for him to do. I feel so helpless living so far away, with young children and financial pressures that don't allow me to just drop everything and be with them. These are the issues I mourned over 8 years ago when my parent's moved away from me. I knew the day would be coming when we would need each other more and we would not be together. I didn't understand the decision at the time but had to come to an acceptance of it. My dad just wanted to "go home" and my mom just wanted to please him. Which leads me to the question "Where is home?" Being an only child has it's many blessings but the difficult part about it is that you have no one to share your common expierences in growing up and no one to share the joys and sorrows of aging parents. It makes me very sad to think of my parents being alone at this stage of life with very little or no support. I know I must appear uncaring or cold at times but I can't dwell on the overwhelming emotions I feel and still be able to function well. If you know me well you know that I am a pleaser (I think that's another product of being an only child) and I feel I'm not doing that very well. I'm thankful to have a Savior to carry my burdens with me. I don't know what non believers do without Him. He is my Rock. Sorry for going on and on. I've never been one to write a diary but I guess this is giving me an outlet for my thoughts and feelings.
Lesa, what a unique situation you face being an only child. I love the wedding picture of your parents and what you shared in your post about how careful your dad has been in his appearance and losing that ability. God does allow some really challenging things in our lives. It's hard sometimes to really believe He's in control. No surprise, I'm a big believer in journaling what's going on. It does help to some degree--thanks for being open enough to share it with others.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Ray!!
ReplyDeleteI keep you and your parents in my prayers Lesa. I can't imagine going through what you are right now. I agree though, how would we ever get through these trials without a Savior to carry them for us. Thanks for sharing!
Lesa, thank you for touching my heart with your story... we have an only child. We know he is a gift form God... however we were not able to have any more children and in reading this I have come to see the importance of keeping a journal for him. I will be praying for you and your family as you are in this time of weeping... but thanks be to our loving Savior... joy will come in the morning when we reach that golden shore... Until then may you and yours stay safe in the arms of Jesus... Hugs
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