Finding My Voice Again: Breaking Free from Gaslighting and Rediscovering My Worth
Several years ago, I stepped into what I believed was the job I had been called to. My very first job had been in a church office, and I had studied secretarial work and Christian leadership at a Christian university. My skills, passions, and life experiences all seemed to align perfectly with this position. For a time, it truly felt like a perfect fit—until one day, someone stepped in and began to tear it all down.
The words spoken to me were harsh, cold, and belittling. Little by little, I began to feel small—and then smaller—until I felt I had no value at all. At first, I didn’t even realize what was happening. I was already enduring manipulation and gaslighting at home, as my mom was living with us. What we thought would be an honor and privilege—caring for her—slowly revealed itself to be something else entirely. Belittling, disapproval, and invisibility surrounded me at home and began to seep into my workplace as well.
The Moment the Light Turned On
One day, a therapist friend named it: “There’s a word for this—it’s gaslighting.”
In that moment, it was as if a light switched on. Suddenly, the confusion lifted, and I could see the pattern for what it was—gaslighting, belittling, invalidating—all designed to make me feel insignificant and small.
That realization became a turning point in my journey.
Most of us long to believe that our lives matter, that we are making a difference—especially as Christians. We want to know that we’re part of advancing God’s Kingdom, even in small ways. Not for recognition, but simply to live faithfully in our calling.
I am, by nature, an encourager. My life experiences have equipped me to walk with others through infertility, adoption, loss, and many other valleys. Working with women in ministry was a joy, and for a time, I truly believed I was living in my “sweet spot”—right where God had placed me.
Learning to See the Pattern
You see, I had been taught to be small—to stay quiet, invisible, without an opinion that differed from hers. So this new situation felt familiar, but also threatening and frightening. Once again, expressing my opinion or feelings seemed like the wrong thing to do.
I told myself I should have known better. Just stay quiet. Follow instructions. Please people in order to be liked, valued, or to belong.
But then everything shifted. What I once thought was steady ground crumbled beneath me. Looking back, I can see that season as the beginning of something deeper. It forced me to recognize the effects of controlling, manipulative, and abusive behavior—and to begin breaking free from it.
It wasn’t the journey I wanted, but it became the one I was in.
Stepping Into Healing and Freedom
Healing doesn’t happen overnight. It comes in small, sacred steps—through awareness, truth, and grace. I began learning that my worth wasn’t defined by others’ opinions or treatment of me. It was rooted in who God says I am—beloved, chosen, and seen.
Slowly, I began to find my voice again.
To speak truth.
To take up space.
To believe that my presence—and my story—matter.
If You’re Walking a Similar Road…
If you’ve ever felt small, unseen, or silenced, please know this: you are not alone. The path out of manipulation and gaslighting can be confusing and painful, but freedom is possible. You can unlearn the lies that told you your voice doesn’t matter.
Your story isn’t over—it’s being rewritten, one brave step at a time.
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