I guess it's time.

So much has happened in our lives the last few months. They haven't been exciting things to post so I've not felt motivated to do so. I have so many thoughts and feelings but find it difficult to put into words at this point. I know that what I am feeling is not unique.

For spring break (April 2-10) I decided the boys and I needed to go down to Arkansas to visit my parents. Ray was able to fly down to meet us there and help my mom with some household chores she had not been able to take care of. This was really a blessing to have these things done in light of what happened shortly after our spring break trip. My dad had been in and out of hospitals/rehab facilities and nursing homes since the end of September 2009. We were also fortunate to be able to spend some quality time with my dad. On our previous visit in November my dad was in the hospital and was isolated due to infections. So having the opportunity to spend time all together as a family was such a blessing. We went over a couple of times and played games and ate dinner in the family room. My dad seemed to enjoy it in spite of being in a lot of pain.


This is the last picture we took of him a week and two days before he departed for his eternal home. He doesn't even look like my dad. His body had failed him greatly especially since we had seen him in November.




This picture was taken in November 2009.

There were several times we expected to get a call that my dad had not made it but when it did happen was not one of those times. He had been fairly stable and he had hopes of maybe going home at some point if he could get strong enough. Who were we to doubt that God and my dad's sheer determination couldn't make that happen? We knew it was against the odds but what are odds compared to God's power. About a month before his passing he called me and we chatted. He said he thought he wasn't going to make it a few times but now thought he may actually get better. I told him I didn't think he would make it a couple of times and I said "You're (I paused) and he said "stubborn", I said that was not the word I was looking for "amazing" was the word I was looking for.

At 4:00 a.m. (EST) April 19, 2010, I received the call I had known would eventually come but hoped would never come (against all logic). I didn't expect it nor was I prepared (you would think I would have been but I guess you never are). At 1:30 a.m. a nurse had passed by his room and he was sitting on the side of his bed and waved at her. 15 minutes later he was on the floor. We have so few details so we are still haunted by the unknown but trying to be grateful for God's mercy in releasing him from his pain.

There are new firsts to deal with now. Jake's first birthday without my dad - his Opa, my mom's first birthday and mother's day... Most of the time I think I am dealing well with it and other times I don't think I am addressing my feelings at all. I just realized the other day that I will never see my dad's cell phone I.D. come up on my phone again; I'll never hear his voice. I'll even miss the funny way he answered the phone "Mmmmm Hello"! I know this is just the circle of life which everyone experiences so I'm not unique. Maybe it's therapeutic just to put it in writing. I am so unbelievably thankful for the friends and family who have been so supportive. I have been blessed beyond measure with wonderful people in my life. I also am so thankful for the assurance that my dad is in Heaven worshipping his Heavenly Father and free of pain.